Doula Dating...
It’s totally a thing. At least that’s what I have been calling it!
You have just recently started to look for this magical creature that is, a doula. You got your list of names from your birth class instructor or maybe you’ve asked a few friends for direction. You may have even posted in your mom-group on Facebook hoping someone will suggest a name or two for you to investigate, or searched the web for a doula near you.
You scan websites like background checks. Your interest has peaked.
Now you have some scheduled meetings, or as doulas call them, consultations.. Your birth class instructor may have (hopefully) given you guidance on what to ask your doula.
All the normal things such as:
What is your philosophy?
What is your approach?
How long have you been a doula?
Why did you become a doula?
What’s your favorite part about being a doula?
As Doula Jen would say “Blah, blah blah... “…
Kidding, these are really important questions. But are they the only questions? Do you have a list of requirements that need to be met?
Ok. So they are met… by almost ALL the doulas you’ve met with.
NOW WHAT?
CRAP.
Ask yourself this, how would you know this doula is “THE ONE”?
See, this is where that dating reference comes into play. For some people (probably most people) it’s just not that black and white…
I think, from a doulas perspective, it is less about the facts and more about the vibes/feelings. Not only should you trust yourself, but you should also be open with yourself during this search. You want your doula to be on your page. Be honest about your concerns and share them with these doulas. Challenge them with your real concerns and hopes and goals assess their response to THAT.
Because no matter how many births they’ve attended, or how many years they have been a doula, you have to connect in order to have a successful relationship.
You need to feel like they truly “get” you. You need that “click”.
(I’m pretty sure I booked a client because I referenced Game of Thrones AND Star Wars in the same conversation once… LOL)
As doulas, WE want to connect with YOU too! Thus, just like dating...
Having a doula is more than a birth coach. Yes, we educate, we support, we encourage and more, but.. it is far more personal. If you cannot be open, be yourself, feel completely free, and heard, and SAFE with your doula then what is the point?
As your doula, we are there to support you and surround you with strength and guidance. In order for us to do that, we have to know your real needs. We want to know you. We want that vulnerability and trust between us, like in a chosen life partner! If we don’t know you, it’s really easy to miss out on so many more benefits that you could unleash within this relationship.
You are about to have a baby for goodness sake!
You better love your doula!
Doula Stephany
